Lost In A Sea Of Faces
by Lady Charity
Summary: Ryan always feared that he was just a trivial life lost in a sea of a million faces, where no one would ever care about him. Was he really worthless?


**Normally I don't write oneshots or songfics, but Kutless' Sea of Faces was too good to pass, which I highly recommend you listen to. **

**This suddenly came into my head so I decided to write it. **

**A plot poodle, if you guys call it that.**

**This is pretty religious, just to let you know.**

**Somehow, this story will probably not relate to the High School Musical storyline very much…more of the characters.**

**I'm sure that more people than just Ryan can relate to this.**

_Look at me._

_LOOK AT ME!_

_Why won't you see me?_

_Why can't you hear me?_

_Am I just here to be your slave?_

_Why don't you care for me?_

_Am I really just a waste of life?_

_One person?_

_One face in a sea of a million?_

That was his worst fear.

To be nothing more than blending into a world full of too many people. To be considered nothing else but a trivial ghost.

Ryan sunk into his chair, covering his pale face with his hands, breathing slowly. His heart screamed with pain. It hurt so, so bad that he could barely breathe. Ryan could feel bitter bile crawl up his throat as he gulped for air.

_I see the city lights all around me  
Everyone's obscure  
Ten million people each with their problems  
Why should anyone care_

"Your problems," Ryan could distinctly hear Sharpay yak. "are just your problems. This has nothing to do with me, so stop bugging about it to me, okay?"

"Stop bothering me, all right? I have my own problems."

"Why are you such a baby? Take it like a man, can't you?"

"Are you seriously that weak?"

Ryan jerked, a cold tremor running down his spine. He covered his ears with his hands, squeezing his eyes shut like a frightened little boy.

Weak.

Was he really weak?

And in Your eyes I can see  
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world  
Lost in a Sea of Faces  
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine  
Because you traded Your life for mine

The rain pelted heavily like hair-thin needles. The moon was obscured by the thick black clouds, leaving a blanket of darkness to bathe everyone in. Ryan shivered; the howling wind sounded like voices, voices that screamed in his ears.

_You're just one person in a world of a billion. _

_Do you really matter?_

_Just one worthless, petty person…_

"No," he whispered, fear clenching his heart. "I'm more than that. We're all more than that…"

Aren't we?

Did someone, _anyone_ see him for more than just one single, slight soul? He felt like a slave, no, a _puppet_ for everyone's content to direct his every movement, his every thought, his every second of his insignificant life.

Was that all he was?

Sometimes my life it feels so trivial  
Immersed in the greatness of space  
Yet somehow you still find the time for me  
It's then You show me Your love

Ryan sometimes compared himself to the delicate porcelain dancer in the music box. Always doing everyone's command for as long as they want, never moving any other way, never speaking his mind and obeying every command. Ryan breathed slowly, trying naively to convince himself otherwise, to provide empty comforts. It didn't work.

Was he anything else? Did anyone out there think of him as a person and not just as another guy and move on with their life? Ryan chuckled grimly to himself; making such a big deal out of such a petty problem.

Was it petty? Or was it sensible to question this? It didn't matter what everyone else think, the question haunted Ryan's every move. Even if the actions weren't his to decide.

Were we all a sea of faces, none of any significance? Lost in our own worries that we forget about everyone else?

And In Your eyes I can see  
And in Your arms I will be  
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world  
Lost in a Sea of Faces  
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine  
Because you traded Your life for mine

If Ryan could make a list of how many people cared for him or for anyone else, he reckoned that if he started now, he still be trying to think of a single person in a couple of decades. What shocked him more was when he asked himself a question:

Did _he_ care for anyone else but himself?

_Of course I do!_ he argued with himself. _I care for Sharpay a lot! And the Wildcats, and my family—_

_**As you waste your time wallowing in self-pity.**_

Ryan froze, his heart immediately pausing. He was like everyone else. While he was blaming the whole world of being inconsiderate and heartless, he completely ignored the fact how he was doing the same, how he was such a hypocrite.

We are all dirty, selfish hypocrites.

Ryan closed his eyes and rested his head on the cold wall. We were all lost in the world, looking down on everyone else with disdain and selfishly thinking of ourselves only?

Ryan felt dirty, contaminated, and sinful. He rubbed his hands, feeling the paltry warmth on his skin, as if trying to rid himself of the permanent stain.

If only my one heart  
Was all you'd gain from all it cost  
Well I know you would have still been a man  
With a reason  
To willingly offer your life

Perhaps the only one who saw everyone as a full person and not a mingled mess of souls was the only One who we could barely see.

Ryan sighed and closed his eyes, drinking in the perpetual never-ending haze of darkness. The heavy rumbling of rain soon soothed into a light pitter-patter, washing him with tranquility.

A washed-out and forgotten memory soon dawned into his mind. A six-year old Ryan and Sharpay were piled up on Mom's leather couch as she read a passage from her favorite book. Ryan would lean in closer to breathe in Mom's wispy but strong voice and drink in the stream of powerful words that were nestled in a small, leather-bound book.

"Mom?" he could hear his squeaky voice asking. "Why did Jesus die for us?"

Mom was at first baffled that he asked this, assuming he would understand by now. "Why sweetie, He died for our sins so we could be with His Father, of course."

The answer would've satisfied the question, but something was bugging Ryan slightly. "But…what if He accidentally forgot me?" Ryan asked fearfully, his baby blue eyes wide with anxiety. "What if I'm still going to you-know-where?"

Mom stroked his fine flaxen hair. "Sweetheart, He died for all of us, He didn't forget any of us. He died for you because He loves you so much."

The thought never really sunk in six-year old Ryan's tiny brain, but it started to settle in slowly after eleven years.

Someone had died for Ryan. Loved him as equally as everyone else and died for him so he could be with His Father. Eternal peace. Paradise.

So perhaps, Ryan thought, maybe he wasn't just another living life without worth to one person.

One wonderful, loving, and strong person.

I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world  
Lost in a Sea of Faces  
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine  
Because you traded Your life for mine

Just one in a million faces


End file.
